Two Week Wait

The Two Week Wait…you might see this referred to as TWW on all the fertility blogs. This was news to me, thank goodness again for my IVF guru Nicole.

I like to call the two week wait emotional quicksand. Slow, suffocating, and scary as hell. This will be our third go with the TWW-after our two failed IUI’s. The good news is that with IVF we only had to wait 9 days. The longest 9 days of my life.

Our transfer was on a Wednesday, and I have to admit I was pretty chipper until the next Monday. Thursday I spend cuddled up watching Grace and Frankie for the second time. I swear I LOVE those ladies, WHY can’t we have season 5?!?

Anywhoo, I was in a little cocoon. We bought a new king sized comforter right before the transfer. This was more of a marriage necessity-we often fight in the middle of the night about who was stealing most of our old, regular-sized comforter. Our new oversized, crispy white comforter was like laying in clouds. I thoroughly enjoyed escaping into those clouds and watching Frankie be downright hilarious. It was still so early after the transfer that nothing of significance (symptom wise) was happening, and I was basking in the glow of my “doesn’t get better than this” transfer. Friday Bryan was off from work and we made a day of it. Blood work, then breakfast, then we took Chase to the beach.

Saturday we had a lovely day at Bryan’s rugby game. My entire family was able to make it!

Sunday Bryan and I hosted Easter. Another perfect day surrounded by family and distractions.

I was on spring right after the transfer, and so Bryan and I booked a shore house for three days so that I could relax and keep my mind off of the wait.

That. Did. Not. Work.

Weather down the shore was pretty icky. It was not only cold, it was WINDY. It also rained pretty heavily, which meant we were confined to the house longer than we wanted to be…but at least I had my family.

Even surrounded by family, I found myself lost in over-analysis of every cramp, twist, turn, grumble…you name it. Here is a small sample of the thoughts running through my brain: I felt nauseous at 12am Sunday and Monday, but not Tuesday….does that mean the embryo didn’t implant? I have a full feeling in my uterus…my period is DEFINITELY coming. Oh wait, today I am super nauseous…I heard that nausea is a sign of a good pregnancy-VICTORY! My boobs (or titties as my eldest niece called them OH EM GEE!) hurt like hell…this is a good sign, but I was told this could just be the progesterone so maybe it’s not a sign at all. No nausea today, and the full feeling is back. I am definitely getting my period………….

TWW=Torture.

The day we were scheduled to leave the shore house, it was Thursday, there was spotting on the TP when I went to the bathroom. I have to pat myself on the back, because I didn’t crumble into a million pieces. That could have been because I was (THANK GOD) at the house with my family surrounding me. Bryan also happened to be in the midst of a mean case of food poisoning…(but he still got up at 6am to give me my shot.!)

He is an angel.

Along with the spotting I had cramping and a fullness that ALWAYS comes with my period. I was SURE that the salty bitch was on her way, and that our IVF cycle failed. Then, the sun came out….

It was the first time the sun emerged from behind the dark, grey clouds since we arrived on the island. We hit the beach, and I found myself connecting to the ocean. While my nieces made sand castles, I laid down and closed my eyes. The rhythm of the waves was so calming, and I had a talk with Barry (our nickname for the embryo). I told him that he was strong, and this was his new home, and that I was proud of him. I would love to say that from this moment on I was confident, but that would be a lie.

I was still a secret wreck as I continued to cramp and spot lightly for the rest of the day. BUT, my sicky hubs needed me to get him home and there was no time to obsess. On the drive home I decided to make a change. I imagined that with every cramp and pain, Barry was nestling into my uterus. This when my anxiety ceased. Instead of assuming all the things I was feeling were bad, I imagined that they were signs of our little boy making his home inside of my body. When we got home that evening, and began my new obsession “New Girl” I felt electric and calm. Pure joy, and pure excitement….no more worries. We were ready for our pregnancy test.

Here are a few more pics form our fun down the shore!